COOPS Weekly - Life from Kansas #42

So The Big News ……

RDAP is once again shut down. For the 4th time since I have been here. So who knows when I am going home. A huge payload of contraband was discovered in the common area (stairwell) of the RDAP unit. Multiple phones, vapes, steroids, needles, drugs, tobacco, and for the grand finale....an adult toy (lets just leave it at that...but I’m sure that really pissed them off). Programming was immediately stopped and we sat around having a town hall meeting discussing how we can better police ourselves. It is a disaster...inmates have only a few rules. The one rule is we do not tell on one another (although clearly someone is delivering information or they wouldn’t have found the jackpot spot)....I still don’t know where the spot is... its that good. Its frustrating since most of us do not do anything remotely wrong but at the same time we cannot stop those that do. There will always be drugs and phones...its prison...and people who want to do that stuff are never going to care about what happens to others. Frustrating.

The most amazing thing happened. Just after I finished breakfast this morning I went by to see my counselor and he was busy in his office meeting with some inmates making sure they were clear on their release dates. He waved me into his office and said the following: "Mr. Carper how are you?...can we sit down for an hour...during a time that works good for you....and really chat about your post release plan and your thoughts on getting ready to go home....are you ready to transition back to society?"

HA. CMOM ??? You better not believe the above. If you have been reading my newsletter for the last 9 months you know that kind of dialogue does not occur (every bit of what I wrote above is false...there is a better chance of the sun not coming up tomorrow then a staff member here saying any of that). My counselor hasn’t been here in weeks. I’m not sure he even works here anymore. On the other counselors door TODAY it reads "If you knock on this door before 10:30am I will destroy your place," meaning he will go mess your unit up...HA...I am being 100% serious and it is not some cheesy handwritten note that the person wrote themselves …it’s a nicely made craft sign (it is professionally made). We have been trying to submit paperwork/take meetings/get updates for weeks but we can’t because they are never here or we are to scared to ask them anything for fear of repercussions. I know inmates here who have been trying to get there kids approved for over 9 months (kids...huge security risks). The best part is when they submit these requests they are submitted all at a time and somehow they only approve some (so lets say you have 2 out of 4 kids approved)...How is that possible...it was all in the same envelope?

So K2 is taking the prisons by storm. K2 is a drug that is smuggled in on sheets of paper. You can smoke, swallow, snort, and shoot it up. It costs $20/30 bucks for a small piece of paper about an inch wide/inch long. I have never seen any drug effect people more (its a hallucinogenic). I have heard stories about people howling at the moon...stripping naked and run around the compound with guards chasing them. Stories about inmates hiding in garbage cans, the shower, or even the ice vending machine once... and do absolutely bizarre stuff. I have no idea why people take it....but its popular. Testing for it is supposedly very difficult/expensive...so that’s one reason.

Speaking of drugs...Before prison I had never seen most hard drugs...like heroin or meth....Which is ironic considering I was accused of trafficking it. Even when they rolled it out during trial I didn’t look at it. It took me going to prison to get my street drug education. I had never seen steroids either despite my true body building physique & lifestyle (HA!).

Prison bucket list...So I have a list of things I want to do prior to leaving. It started as a request from one my friends here (Mr. Freeman) who asked before I leave to watch the show "Bear," with him. Its a show about a chef who takes a famous dive Chicago restaurant. He loves cooking so it makes sense.

Some of my other list items are:

1.) Workout with the Paisa (Hispanic) Car. They workout super hard. They have a very private group that I think are hilarious. They promised me one week working out with them.

2.) Mow the Wardens lawn. The wardens house is up on the hill visible from the camp. It has a huge Leavenworth sign made out of white rocks (reminds me of the Hollywood sign in LA). I want to ride one of the crazy mowers in Landscaping and mow what has to be the largest lawn or hill you have ever seen.

3.) Cook chicken sandwiches for the whole camp. Chicken sandwiches are everyone’s favorite. People are terrified of me screwing this up so I want to prove everyone wrong.

4.) Play handball/bocchi ball. Never played either sport before but will definitely try.

5.) Interview the heads of each CAR here, Hispanics, Blacks, White, Italian (the head guys are fascinating). This one will be tough...but I will get it done.

I have never really been a big fan of religion...its just not how my mind works. When I was younger I was somewhat religious. What faith I had left went away after my mom got cancer. There are so many interesting people in prison. One of my new neighbors is this guy named Mr. Decker (from OKC). Mr. Decker is at the LPC for misappropriating trade secrets (I have no idea what that means). His sentence is brutal and long (he is appealing his conviction).

Decker is about as nice as a guy as it gets (very smart but private). Every night he sits on his top bunk and reads the bible. Whenever I see somebody reading a bible I am fascinated. I always ask that person why they read the bible? Do they read it renew there faith? Do they think how the bible relates to them as they are reading? What do they think about when they read? Well this past week I asked Decker these questions. If I’m being honest I usually don’t get very impressive responses. That was not the case here. Not only is Mr. Decker a man of deep faith (he actually went to seminary school) he also is a next level story teller of epic proportions. After asking him to tell me what he thinks about when he reads the bible...he told me his version of the story of Joseph. We went on to have some fantastic discussions about a higher power. This is first discussion I have had in years that made me consider trying to find a place for a higher power in my life. For my birthday he actually gave me bible with an amazing note in it. It is one of the nicest gifts I have received here. I will read this bible from cover to cover and see where it takes me.

Craziest thing I have heard or seen at the LPC....I was offered 500 million dollars by another inmate to help with some logistical issues between the Russian Government and himself. Which is great news.....any money problems I will ever have are now solved. He claims he has a deal with Putin and the Russian government to receive over 1.4 trillion dollars. If we help with this deal he is willing to give us 500 million. WOW. Some people in here are on drugs....so people who are in here and are not on drugs but need to be. The unsettling news on this one ....is staff heard this guy talking on the phone (To a phone that is broken so he wasn’t talking to anyone) and they pulled him out of the camp for a Psych review...and this is the part that staggers the imagination....somehow after being evaluated it was determined this guy is fine. WOW....not fine. To further prove that point, in what seems to be the new trend here, he actually made a run for it this week. Left the camp and tried to flag down a car on the freeway adjacent to the camp. A bunch of us were watching as he left the compound and tried to hitchhike. He didn’t make it far as one of the guards tracked him down. He is off to the SHU and a new prison....So its not looking good on my 500 million.

We said goodbye to one of my favorite people here. Mr. Gardner is beginning his journey home. Now granted he lives around 3 miles away so its not a long journey...but I really learned a great deal from him and I wish him the best. I am confident we will stay in touch. There really are some good people here.

Stay safe everyone...talk soon