Continues to have a rough week.
The RDAP stock price (HA!) has hit a 52-week low (trading at 41 3/4...Down 6 points) ...The SEC is investigating questionable conduct by senior management as RDAP member confidence plummets. I wish I could explain what our DTS (drug treatment Staff) staff is doing. They are mad at us for everything. Probably because of the phones that nobody came forward to claim. However, I am pretty sure we could discover the cure for Cancer and they would find something wrong with it. We have benchmark tests to see how much we know about the RDAP curriculum. Some people get tested some people don’t...it making everyone go nuts. Participants are signing out of RDAP... Inmates who were on the waiting list to join as soon as a spot opens up are pulling themselves off said list. It’s a bad look. If it wasn’t prison (where nobody in the public cares) it would be a big deal. One of the first things we are told in the program is that this is not a testing program. There are some people who have trouble reading and writing (so people really stress out about this stuff). They are calling the test a "knowledge check," (HA...it’s a test). If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.
Things are out of control this week at Leavenworth. First up...Covid is back.... A bus full of new inmates arrived at the medium prison up the hill...They all had covid (shocker). Cross your fingers. There is absolutely no testing or masks...So I’m pretty sure the guards will bring it down here.
Craziest thing I have seen or heard at the LPC this week
So, this has two parts. First...I have mentioned one of the most prestigious jobs at a camp is the town driver (a ton of freedom, good pay for inmates). My buddy Jason (he was mentioned in my last newsletter) was a town driver at the Lompoc Camp and he has some crazy stories. Anyway, the town driver here is having a stress crisis. One of the jobs of the town driver besides picking up drunk guards and driving them wherever they want to go is driving newly released inmates to the bus stop. The crazy part is that he is having to become a therapist. Inmates are not wanting to get out of the car when they get to the stop. He has to calm them down and help them get out. They are terrified to go home. It sounds crazy but it is really not. It is scary to go back home...especially if you have been here for an extended period of time. Poor guy didn’t know he was signing up to be a therapist also.
Just yesterday I heard this strange yelling while I was working the morning shift in the kitchen. There was an inmate down the hall crying for help. He was yelling (for help) for over 2 hours. Nobody would help him. It was awful. When eventually the guards finally helped him, he was brought out in a stretcher. The guy had a pin protruding through his hip (like he had a pin in his hip to repair the hip). He had been assigned to a top bunk and something happened (he probably fell). He was sleeping on the floor since he couldn’t get up on his bunk (WHAT?????). A PIN WAS SHOWING Through his hip...we were looking at him wondering what we were looking at.... then a buddy of mine said "OH GOD...That pin is sticking out of him." I wish I could unsee that.
In treatment there are some creative projects...We have what is called a Victim Impact Letter. Every RDAP member in the 2nd stage writes a Victim Impact letter. The letter is written by us from the perspective of someone important to us. Its gut wrenching/soul crushing. We spend a lot of time on the letter and read it in front of the entire group. People absolutely lost it, we were crying. It really is a brilliant idea.... you really think about the impact you had on those closest to you. I wrote mine from the perspective of a friend who was at my trial and sentencing. The reason for my choice is although I am closest with my father, I thought this perspective would be unique. It would have absolutely caused my friend a broken heart to write this letter (I’m not sure it could have been done). Like all my closest friends they have somehow supported me even though I didn’t deserve it. I’m so lucky.
Here it is. (Keep in mind this is written assuming the time just before my arrest. I have been on my best behavior for some time now...this is addressing the times it was really bad. Also remember I really wrote the letter).
Dear Scott,
I hate that you are making me write this letter. But someone has to get through to you. I guess it makes sense that I would write this since you seem to fool everybody. You are lost, completely lost. For years I have seen you trade on your reputation, name, and past accomplishments. The "Carper," I knew is now almost unrecognizable. I have seen you manipulate almost every person you hold dear in your life. You have become someone I don’t even recognize. You are no longer "Carper." Let’s rundown the relationships you have impacted the most.
First your parents. There is nothing your parents wouldn’t have done for you. You were their pride and joy. You were unstoppable. They supported you through your first stint in rehab, where you proclaimed you were healed. You were wrong. You justified your actions in the most ridiculous of ways and because they trusted you, they believed you. You impacted their relationships and reputation. You had your dad bail you out of all sorts of trouble. Above all you constantly lied about your addiction when you didn’t need to. How can you expect them to ever trust you again?
Your friends. How many weddings did you show up fucked up? How many events did you leave early...or not even show up at all? How many promises did you break? How many times did you declare "scotty carper" was back only to fail. Do you realize people had stopped believing you some time ago.
Do you remember when you were at that Christmas party and all your friends were talking about how much you had changed ("he’s not the same, what’s wrong with him?") It broke your heart. However, you kept taking drugs.
With regard to work. You were lazy, entitled, and selfish. Your work ethic went to hell. You relied on your name and connections to weather multiple storms. You severely strained dear friendships. You lost the power of your reputation. You barely remember your 30's because you were a wreck. You went through a fortune on drugs, women, and attempting to keep relevant with smoke and mirrors.
We have watched you suffer through all this. You need to know it’s now hard to believe what you have to say. I can’t keep helping you get out of trouble. It’s time for you to hold yourself accountable. You need to realize the damage you have done. You have always claimed there is nothing you won’t do for friends and family...Well its time you realize if things don’t change you won’t have any people left in your life.
Quit thinking you are so fucking clever; it is not cute anymore. Quit thinking you are the smartest guy in the room. You drove to Mexico to buy painkillers, in what may be the single dumbest thing any person has ever done. You embarrassed your family, friends, and me. It is time to realize the act is old and it time to get your shit together. Please don’t tell me you will try; you have lost that right...It’s time for you to show us. I will always love you but you need to know I’m done. I’m exhausted.
Jessmn Clek
Do you think this letter was harsh or fair? (CLICK ONE)
HARSH
FAIR
(Dad Comment: For purposes of this newsletter this fictitious name is a composite of some initials of those best friends who have been by Scott’s side from shortly after arrest through sentencing. Fill free to name any child you wish after Jessmn).
It’s a bit intense. People in my group thought I was probably harder on myself then anyone would have been.... but who knows. I let down a lot of people.... I let myself down...I let my friends down.... but most of all I hurt my parents. I know they love me but I have a lot to prove to them. I will make it up to them by absolutely kicking ass the rest of my life. I will make them proud again.
Miss everyone. Three more months and I am at the halfway house.... Fresno (well hopefully...you never know with RDAP constantly shutting down).
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